Embracing My Superiority

In one of the sessions I attended at BlogHer ‘10 last week an audience member took the mic and uttered some of the simplest, yet most profound words I would hear all weekend. I didn’t write that quote down word-for-word so I’ll have to paraphrase here, but it still bears repeating. The topic had been how to silence one’s inner-critic and this is what she had to say:

“I embrace my superiority!”

As the room erupted in laughter and applause she paused before explaining her rationale.

“The truth is, my crappy writing is better than most people’s good writing.”

And right there, right at that moment, I was struck by a bolt of lightening. Because the truth is, she’s right. My crappy writing is better than most people’s good writing. Ten times so. And yet I struggle to embrace that day in and day out. I recoil from compliments, blush, brush them aside with “Oh, you’re too kind.” or “Oh, my! Thank you, but…” I always have and I’m not the only woman who does. If I were those words wouldn’t have been met with such a strong response in a room of incredibly talented women; a response of being able to relate to the need to do such a thing, of understanding, of wistful longing to be in that place, to do just that: embrace superiority.

So why don’t we? If we want to so badly, if we understand, if we know we should and could, why don’t we? Why don’t we embrace our superiority? Why don’t we accept compliments without trying to undermine the giver’s genuine intentions? Why don’t we proudly admit that we are powerful?

Because it’s not polite.

And because, even those of us who are only marginally concerned with what is polite have been brought up to subconsciously follow at least some of the rules, this one included. Good girls don’t shout their superiority from the rooftops. Good girls do not stand in a room full of other women and announce that their work is better than someone else’s. Good girls are humble. And to risk sounding cliche, good girls rarely make history; this is exactly why.

It has taken me the better part of a decade to figure out how to internally embrace who I am and what I want. I don’t expect to be able to publicly announce how great I am overnight, but I do intend to start practicing. I hope you will too.

Tagged as: blogher, BlogHer '10, Confidence, Cultivate: Career, Cultivate: Writing, Feminism, Mentality, Self-Confidence, work