As parents go, I’m a hard ass. I have rules and those rules are enforced, black and white. If you don’t perform at an “A” level in school, work and personal behavior you won’t be living an “A” level lifestyle. I am not my daughters’ friend. I am their mother. I am not raising cute little girls with big eyes, long lashes and a knack for manipulating people — though both are just that. I am raising ladies, adult members of society who will need to hold jobs, make money, manage their finances and engage in relationships; ladies who will need to determine and uphold their personal ethics. I am raising the future of the world and I take that seriously. There is no whining, no attitude, no pestering. Ever. Period. There is hard work and a system to earn what you get. Always.
Even I however, have my soft spots. And this morning as I lifted one such of those soft spots off their bathroom counter to wipe beneath it — an expensive bar of handmade goat’s milk soap from a local dairy, bought for my oldest at a farmer’s market earlier in the summer — I couldn’t help but pause to wonder if my kids know why I’m such a pushover on some occasions much more than others.
Not all soft spots are a bad thing. If caving doesn’t interfere with producing productive members of society, doesn’t undermine any lessons you’re trying to teach, or in my case actually furthers the lessons you teach there is no shame in giving in, indulging your children. Of that I am whole heartedly very sure. But as I held that bar of soap to my nose this morning to take in the scent — a delicious pumpkin pie aroma that makes me lust for the impending autumn season — I am ashamed to admit what I realized. That, while my passion for supporting local farmers and artisans is evident to my children in our actions and attitudes, I don’t think I’ve ever made it blatantly clear to them that that conviction is why they can get me to buy them just about anything that catches their eye on Saturday mornings.
Needless to say we’ll be talking about it this weekend on the way to, or from, the farmer’s market, but now I’m curious. Do you have an ethics-based soft spot? Do your kids know why that is?
Hog Farmer. Goose Wrangler. Sustenance Cultivator. Hobby Photographer. Women's Progress Advocator. Wife. Teacher. Mother. Freelance Writer. Unsophisticated Wine Connoisseur. Sister. Speaker. Friend. Butcher. Ruminator. Student. Reluctant Artist. Wannabe Quilter. Chocolate Addict. Gun Enthusiast. 
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I hear you on the Farmer’s Market thing; I am *exactly* the same way. Also: books, meals at non-chain/healthy restaurants and affordable/original art will rarely (if ever) get a “no”.
My son knows that I feel supporting local artists and business owners is hugely important…and he knows how much literacy (and an interest in learning in general) means to me. It didn’t take him long to figure out that asking for Yu-gi-oh cards is a lost cause, whereas asking for a handmade wooden yo-yo is pretty much a sure thing. It doesn’t stop him from occasionally trying, though.
The one thing that I am trying to get him to wrap his head around is my sliding-scale of “affordability”. No, we can’t afford a $3 bag of Oreos…but we can afford a $3 vegan brownie made with organic chocolate. No, I refuse to pay $12 for a glossy Nintendo magazine, but I’d be happy to buy you a $12 adventure novel. I don’t care if Burger King has Whoppers for $1.99…the little place at the end of our block uses grass-fed local beef in their $7 burgers, so we’ll go there.
I totally agree! I am the same kind of hard ass. I am my children’s mother not their best friend. I listen to parents every day that I am at school that say their kids don’t listen to them or they can’t get them to wake up or they can’t get their kids to help around the house…it’s a freckin’ joke!! They’re too lazy to be parents! But let’s not get on this subject…
I am a sucker for healthy foods and extra ciruculluar activities. But my kids know better than to ask for any toys or candy when we go in any type of store unless they have the money to pay for it!
I came over from Mom Improvement and look forward to following…
Come by when you can…
http://www.frugaltractormom.blogspot.com
I’m far from a hard-ass parent, but my kids know there are certain things that always get a “no” and certain things that always get a “yes.” My thing is books or workbooks. Since we homeschool, they can pretty much get me to buy ALL of Borders’ kids section. Except the stuffed animals and the Kidz Bop CDs.
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