Alternate Title: Mommybloggers Embarrass me. A BlogHer 09 Re-Cap.
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I got home from BlogHer ‘09 yesterday afternoon, drove straight to a year-end softball party for the oldest daughter, spent a couple hours trying to continue to be “on” after four days of it, failed miserably, probably made the other moms there think I am a TOTAL anti-social bitch (I’m not, I was just tired) came home and SLEPT. And wrote. And slept. And Facebooked. And slept.
And then, I woke up with a mind full of things to say and a decision made. I am shutting down the mom blog.
Let me be clear, the identity I described repeatedly over this past weekend at the BlogHer conference was nothing new. I have been saying for months now that I am a mom who blogs, but not a mommyblogger. Seeing up close, personal and sometimes downright painfully exactly why I’ve been saying so all this time however, cemented my desire to distance myself from that community even further.
The women lunging for swag, weighting themselves down with bag after bag after bag, stealing dolls from the hallways like savages, running into infants in a dash for freebies, bitching and moaning in the entitled fashion that has become their trademark as of late. None of this abhorrent behavior is something I have any desire to be identified as a part of. And spending time in the midst of it made very clear that I am not.
I cannot even count how many conversations I began with mommybloggers, trying desperately to network with this community of women – to give them the benefit of the doubt, only to tune out entirely two minutes in. What they were currently reviewing, what private parties they were invited to, what swag bags they’d picked up and which ones they were on their way to get. I didn’t give a damn about any of it. Still don’t. But it was all they wanted to talk about. It was the only reason they were there. And that was incredibly depressing.
Not to mention, begging for sponsors on the very BlogHer post announcing the 2010 conference venue? Have a little tact, ladies! Just a pinch of it would go a LONG way!
When I began this blog I said that I would not be shutting down OPP, that I still had plenty of kid-related blog fodder. And that remains true. I won’t stop writing about being a mother entirely. I won’t stop contributing to the online parenting discussion. I’ll simply be doing so here. On a blog that is decidedly not mommy in nature, but may sometimes include a bit of it.
Like it or not we’re in the public eye and each of us is representing the greater community of women bloggers. Some of us are here to write, to make a difference, to enhance women’s voices online and off. I? Personally? Refuse to be a part of a niche community that undermines that effort on a daily basis.
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You know, I didn’t see any of that? I must have been exactly as oblivious at BlogHer as I am in real life.
I have never been to BlogHer, and to be truthful, I was kind of feeling left out. I had no idea it was like this.
That’s not my thing either. I don’t blog for swag or whatever, not that I blame anyone else for doing so. But it does tend to go overboard, from the sound of your experience.
I would love to get together with my Twitter and blogging buddies though. That would be so great–meeting everyone face to face!
I did the EXACT same thing – stopped blogging on my so-called Mom blog and moved to another one of my domains that doesn’t have the word ‘Mom’ in it. And although I wasn’t at BlogHer, I did it for the same reasons…the way Mom bloggers have acted lately have made me want to distance myself from that label even if its one I’ve never voluntarily worn.
I’m not at all surprised to hear that many of them were behaving the way you’ve described. I saw more talk about swag and parties than I did the actual content and presentations at BlogHer 09 which is a HUGE change from BlogHer 08.
WOW! Great post. I was shocked by the whole experience and ended up leaving a day early because the greed was too much for me. I watched people cut in line and then snicker that the swag wasn’t good enough and turn around right after they got their bag… seriously?? The girl I went with did the same. While I do consider myself a Mom that blogs I can say that I will not be going to another event like that. I guess I thought the purpose was to get together, meet the people behind the voices and share. Maybe most of the people missed that.
I was part of the mommyblogging community for over 3 years and I deleted my blog almost 6 months ago. I was overwhelmed but the ‘lack’ of writing and the look whose sponsoring me, look whose doing this, look what I got mentality and I did not want to do it anymore. I want to blog and I want to write about my experiences as a mother but right now I’m not at a point in my life where it matters to me about how far up the blogging food chain my blog sits at.
I didn’t go to BlogHer this year (actually, I haven’t ever gone yet). This morning I’m reading all over about some of the drama that happened this past weekend. While I understand that sponsors can make things easier financially, sponsorships, etc, seem to undermine the sense of community that women bloggers were originally searching for. At least, I know that’s part of why I got into blogging: to find a community of like-minded women. (And maybe some not-so-like-minded, to get me thinking differently at times.) The other, main reason I started blogging was as a forum for myself; my thoughts and opinions, be they good or bad. So, although I occasionally talk about my kids since they are part of my life (and during my last pregnancy I blogged about it a lot more than I should have), I certainly don’t focus on being a mom. And I don’t read any blogs that do. I’m interested in what women think; not so much in what their kids do on a minute-by-minute basis. (Or on product reviews and giveaways, generally, but that’s another topic.) Anyway, my long-winded point here is that I agree with you.
All that being said, and even though you didn’t ask my opinion, I think it’s fine to end your “mommy” blog, but I don’t think you should take it off the internet entirely. Close it up/shut it down/wrap it up/write a final post, but I know other bloggers that have taken their blogs off the internet after ending them and — I’m not entirely sure why — I find it disturbing. Something that was once there, isn’t anymore. Maybe it’s the historian in me. Maybe it seems too much like self-censorship. It’s representative of part of who you were, even if you’ve moved on. So please give that final step some more thought.
Okay, enough of my unsolicited opinions. For the moment.
Unsolicited opinions welcome!
I haven’t decided yet if I’ll take the other down entirely or just put up a forward to this new address and leave the content. I really hadn’t given it a lot of thought. I will be downloading all the content off it so if I do get a whim that says to delete it I at least have the writing I did for my own records (there are many very personal, very thought-provoking posts there that I love!)
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on that matter though, it’s certainly something to think about.
Kat, I’m so sorry you ended up leaving blogher early. Please know that there is another side to BlogHers and they are awesome! I will be doing another blogher recap to address all the wonderful times I had there. If you ever change your mind and decide you want to give it another try please shoot me and email and we can hook up. I’ll introduce you to some wonderful women who are there for the right reasons. They do exist.
Meeting everyone face to face and connecting with those you do share a common bond with is Awesome! Despite the disappointing observations of a large population of BlogHers this year, it was still a wonderful trip and worth every moment and penny I spent. There are amazing women (and men!) there worth going to see.
Hehehe! You must have been in all the right places at the right times.
It was embarrassing so many times. I am disappointed in so many things but had a great time with my friends and met some awesome women despite. I am trying to focus on the positives. Our Type-A Momfluence party for instance, was a lot of fun, after the swagwhores left. i didn’t go to the seminars because nothing was of interest to me.
BlogHer 09 was definitely MUCH, much different than BlogHer 08.
You and me both, Kara. It just isn’t worth worrying about. Have you started a new blog that’s not mommy related or are you sitting out entirely right now?
Love this post. Will be writing my own later.
Yeah. I came away with a lot of mixed feelings about the experience, including shock at the commercialism and swag. While I’m excited to see how BlogHer has grown so quickly, the sheer size of it is becoming off-putting. The opportunity to meet people and talk and learn is what I’m focused on, not the STUFF, and that was unfortunately eclipsed by the schwag-a-thon atmosphere.
Yes, there was more commercialism and some bad behavior at BlogHer. Agreed. But why is it that mommybloggers are getting the hammer? Did someone find everyone who behaved badly and discovered that they were a mommyblogger? Or are we just assuming based on some sort of stereotype or because that is what everyone was tweeting?
I agree that BlogHer attendees as a whole should look at their behavior, but I think it is unfair to say the mommybloggers and only the mommybloggers were to blame. I will not indict any whole group based on the actions of some of its members.
@Stimey – Much of what I observed was at the hands of bloggers I know, have met, recognize from their (mommy)blogs.
The entitled bitchfests overheard both in person and over Twitter were mom-centric.
I was very politely approached at one point by some other hotel patrons not with BlogHer who asked what was going on at the hotel, I told them BlogHer, a blogging conference to which they replied with a great heave “Oh. Mommybloggers?”
Whether we like it or not a sub-set (because I agree with you, and that’s my whole point here — we’re not all like that) of mom bloggers are behaving badly and they’re getting wide-spread press coverage for it. And by doing so giving all mom bloggers – dubbed “mommybloggers” a bad name, even within their own community.
This isn’t about indicting an entire group, it’s about refusing to identify with a label, a niche that is giving a larger community a bad name.
I love this post. Thank you for sharing it. I was at the event and though I’m not a mommy blogger, I noticed a lot of this. It really took away from the event at times. I still managed to have a great time and meet some truly amazing people though.
I’ve actually been thinking of shutting down HM and starting over with a new blog too. 1. I hardly ever blogged about mom stuff on it anyway, but then I felt weird writing about other topics under the mommy title, so most of the time I just wouldn’t write at all. 2. My identity is about to vastly change and I’m thinking a new blog might be one way to express some of that.
Wait! I spent 2 1/2 days with you- was I one of THOSE people? I hope not as Kim and I passed on or missed out on most of the swag but, eh, we were there to meet people like YOU.
If you had been one of those people, I wouldn’t have spent 2 1/2 days with you.
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